I looked down at the legal pad on the desk and rolled the pen between my fingers as I tried to organize the words in my mind. It would have been much easier for me if I was at a keyboard in front of a computer. When at the computer my thoughts seemed to flow right to my fingers and the words would quickly appear on the screen. Hit 'print' and it would be done. Neat, single spaced lines of 11 point Times New Roman that would say it all, but to me that would be too impersonal. I needed for this to be personal; I needed what I was going to say to be an expression of "me" and so I would do it in my own handwriting. As one part of my brain tried to organize what I was going to say another part was busy remembering what it was that led to my need to say it.

I had known Grace since the fourth grade. She moved in two doors down from me and we were the same age so we ended up in the same class at school. Even at nine there was something about Grace that pulled me to her. At that age most boys were still thinking of girls as "yucky" but I never felt that way about Grace.

We didn't see much of each other when we weren't in school. She was busy playing with dolls with her girlfriends while me and the other guys my age were playing "cops and robbers" or "cowboys and Indians" or sandlot baseball. It wasn't until I was twelve that I started noticing girls and Grace was the one I seemed to notice most of all.

It was the eighth grade when things changed. Our school wasn't all that big and the boys and girls had to share the gym for the physical education period. Usually the guys would have the gym one day and the girls would have the swimming pool and the next day the girls would have the gym and the guys would have the pool.

It was the boy's day for the gym, but when we got there the gym teachers had a surprise for us. The boys and girls were going to share the gym that day. They were going to teach us to dance! Boys and girls were paired up, a record player started playing and they started teaching us the waltz. I was paired up with Susan Jaffery and Grace was paired up with Dale Harding. I didn't know why, but I got upset watching Grace dance with Dale. At the end of the period it was announced that for the rest of the school term the boys would have the gym on Mondays and Thursdays and the girls would have it Tuesdays and Fridays. Wednesdays would be dance class and that we would keep the same partners. That news upset me a lot. Not that dance class was bothering me, but that I was stuck with Susan and Dale would have Grace.

And that was the start of it. Dale had Grace and Dale kept Grace from then on. The two of them were inseparable. By the tenth grade I was eating my heart out over Grace. What made things really bad for me was that Grace, probably unwittingly, led me on. Dale's parents were both teachers and they always traveled on summer vacations and were usually gone for two and a half to three months. While Dale was gone Grace asked me to take her to a party that Dale was supposed to have taken her to. We had a good time and when I asked her for a date she said yes. I dated her for the entire time that Dale was gone. She was receptive to my kisses and our necking got pretty hot and heavy at times. After two months I asked her to go steady with me and she said:

"Oh come on Rob; you know I'm Dale's girl."

That didn't stop her from necking with me though and she kept dating me until Dale got back from vacation.

Three months into the 11^th grade Dale and Grace got into an argument over something or other and they broke up. Grace asked me if I would be her escort to a couple of parties she wanted to go to over the holidays and I of course said yes. We dated right up to Christmas and then one night when I went over to her house to pick her up to take her to a party her mother answered the door.

"Grace isn't here Rob. She left with Dale about half an hour ago."

I went to the party alone and when I got there I saw Grace and Dale dancing. I went up to them and tapped Dale on the shoulder to cut in and he turned and told me to go away.

"Not until Grace and I talk."

"She's not going to talk to you so beat it."

"Okay; I wanted to do this quietly and not make a scene, but if a scene is what you want then a scene is what you'll get." I turned to Grace and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Would it have killed you to call me and break our date instead of letting me show up at your front door and have your mother tell me that you had already gone?"

Grace looked away from me and Dale pushed me and said, "Get the fuck out of here Rob."

"Keep your hands to yourself Dale."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it" and he shoved me again.

"This" I said as I hit him as hard as I could. It broke his nose and blood sprayed all over Grace's green dress as he went to his knees. "Hey, red and green" I said as I pointed at Grace's dress. "Very Christmassy." And I turned and left the party.

Grace called me around noon the next day. "How could you embarrass me like that? And my dress is ruined. I can't get the blood stains out."

"Your own fault Grace. What did you think was going to happen when what you did was leave me standing on your front porch? You think I was going to worry about how you felt when you couldn't have cared less about how I was going to feel when I rang your doorbell and you weren't there? Thanks for calling Grace" and I hung up on her.

About three weeks into the spring term I came out of Burger Heaven where I had a part-time job and found Dale waiting for me by my car. He had eight or nine people with him, including Grace and a few other girls. As I walked up to my car Dale said:

"You and me have some business to settle. You sucker punched me that ni..." and I hit him. He wasn't expecting it. I guess he thought I'd just stand there and listen to him spout off until he decided to swing, but I wasn't having any of it. I stepped up and hit him again and broke his recently reset nose again. His hands flew up to his face and that left him wide open and I hit him three more times and was going for more when I was pulled away from him.

"Sucker punching is when someone hits you from the blindside when you aren't expecting it. I was facing you at the party and after pushing me the second time you should have been expecting me to do something. You came here tonight looking for a fight so you should have been expecting it tonight too. Stay away from me Dale. Your nose can only be broken so many times before it starts looking like a pancake in the middle of your face."

I looked over at Grace, but she looked away. I got in my car and drove on home. Dale did stay out of my way from then on and eventually Grace stopped looking away whenever I glanced her way.

Just before the end of the term I was sitting at a table in the library doing some research for a paper that was due when Grace sat down at the table with me. I looked up from the book I was reading as she looked at me. Didn't say a word, just sat there and looked at me. I waited a few seconds and then I shrugged and went back to reading the book. Maybe thirty seconds later Grace said:

"What happened to us Robbie? We used to be such good friends."

I looked up and answered, "You know what happened to us Grace and you also know that it was your fault. A phone call could have prevented it, but you didn't make that phone call."

"I'm sorry Robbie, I really am. I can't even give you a good excuse. I was just so glad when Dale called and told me that he missed me that I just didn't think of anything else. It was wrong of me not to call you." She stopped talking for a second or so and then she said, "Actually, it was wrong of me not to have told Dale that I had a date for the party and that I would see him the next day. I'm sorry Rob and though it is a little late, I apologize."

I looked at her a bit and then I said, "Want to walk over to the Shack and get a milkshake?" It wasn't a magical moment by any stretch of the imagination, but Grace and I were talking again.

The term ended. Dale went off with his parents on their long summer vacation and that left Grace at loose ends so I was not surprised when one day she called me and asked me if I would take her to a party the next night.

"I don't want to go alone."

That was the start of it. I started keeping steady company with Grace, but I was a little older and just a tad wiser that time. I knew I was just standing in for Dale and I knew that if I was sitting on her front porch swing kissing her and Dale pulled up in the drive she would push me away to make room for him to pick up where I left off.

Grace was using me only this time I knew it. But she still caused my heart to beat faster when I looked at her so I dated her and hoped that Dale would get struck by lightning or get run over by a train.

Toward the end of summer I started slacking off on calling Grace for dates. I had gone a week without calling her or seeing her and she called me and asked me where I'd been.

"Just working at Burger Heaven and working on my tan in the backyard."

"Why haven't you called me?"

"Dale is due home anytime now and I don't want to be in the middle of something and have you walk away."

"Bullshit Rob! That will never happen again and you know it. I want you to take me to Hillary's birthday party tomorrow. Please?"

I was a sucker where Grace was concerned so I said I would. I really did not want to go to Hillary's birthday party. I expected that it would be very uncomfortable. I had dated Hillary and one night after a party and some pretty heavy necking Hillary had willingly given me her cherry and after the initial pain and discomfort Hill had really gotten into it. So much so that there had been a second, third and fourth time. The fourth time just one block from her house as I was taking her home.

I fully expected that Hill and I would be doing a lot more of it in the future, but when I called her the next day she hung up on me. I called her seven more times over the following week and six times she hung up on me. The seventh time she said:

"Will you stop bothering me?" and hung up.

Maybe three weeks later I ran into her at a party. I did my best to ignore her and stay out of her way, but near the end of the party she came up to me, called me a pig and slapped my face. She started to do it again and I grabbed her wrist and said:

"What the hell was that for?"

"You know damned well what it was for. You are just another one of those "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" assholes who gets what he wants and then takes off never to be heard from again."

"Bullshit Hill. I called you for a week and you wouldn't talk to me. The last call I made you told me to leave you alone so I left you alone."

I let go of her wrist and walked away from her. I hadn't talked to her since and now here I was going to her birthday party. Only Grace could have gotten me to do something like that.

Before going to pick up Grace I ran to the store and got a card for Hillary and a pair of hoop earrings and some gift wrap. When we got to the party I gave Hill the card and the gift and then left her to go and mingle with the crowd before she could go off on me.

Maybe an hour after I got to the party I was standing off to the side, sipping a Coke and watching Grace talk to three other girls when Hillary came up to me.

"Does Dale know that you are nailing his private stock?"

"I am not having sex with Grace Hill; we are just friends."

"You do know that the only reason she is with you is that no other guy will be seen with her, don't you? They are all afraid of Dale."

"Not my problem."

"Why aren't you having sex with her? She isn't a virgin. Dale has been screwing her for over a year now and he's been gone for almost three months so she has got to be wanting it."

"What is it with you and sex Hill? For someone who got so bent out of shape over getting laid you sure talk a lot about it."

"Call me and I'll tell you all about it."

She wandered away leaving me wondering what was with her.

On the ride home Grace said, "What is up with you and Hillary?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You didn't notice that she wore the earrings that you gave her all night? Gail gave her earrings, Brenda gave her a necklace and Bill and Sue gave her a matching set of bracelet, necklace and earrings, but the only jewelry that she wore tonight were your hoops. Am I losing you to her?"

"How can you lose me Grace? I'm not yours. Dale is yours as you so often remind me."

She was silent for a moment and then she said, "Pull over."

"Why?"

"Because I can't kiss you while you are driving."

I pulled over and parked and she slid over next to me and we started making out. Ten minutes into it Grace put her hand on the hard lump in my trousers and rubbed it.

"Take it out" she said.

"What?"

"Take it out Robbie; I want to see it."

"Grace, I don't think it would be a good..."

"Please Robbie, I want to see it."

I didn't know what to think, but I wasn't stupid. The girl I wanted wanted to see my equipment and I was going to say no? I unzipped and worked my hard on out and she took it in her hand and started stroking it. I was torn between wanting to put my hands on her breasts and my fingers in her pussy and taking the chance that it might break up whatever mood it was that she was in or leaving her alone so she wouldn't stop what she was doing.

The previous summer, just before I asked her to go steady I went for her tits one night when we were necking hot and heavy and she said "no" and pushed my hand away. Ten minutes later I tried again and she slapped my hand away and yelled, "Damn it Rob, I said no!" and then she had pulled away from me and told me to take her home. So with that in mind I decided to just sit there and enjoy what she was doing.

She slowly stroked me for a minute or so and then she stunned me. She bent her head and took my cock in her mouth. I wasn't a virgin, but I wasn't all that experienced either. I'd only had sex eleven times split between three different girls and I'd never had a blow job. Add to that the fact that it was almost four months since my last time so I was ready to cum ten seconds after Grace closed her lips around me. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Jerk it out of her mouth? Tell her I was cumming? Or just let it go in her mouth. I did not - repeat NOT - want to pull it out, but at the last second I decided to err on the side of caution and I started to push Grace away. I was too late. I erupted just as my cock came out of her mouth and she caught the full discharge on her face. She was not happy.

"What did you do that for? God Robbie, it got all over my blouse."

"I didn't think I was supposed to do it in your mouth."

"It would have been better than going all over my clothes. I can't go home looking like this. If my parents are up and see me like this they will ground me until I'm eighty. Do you have enough money for a motel room?"

"I think so."

"Head for the Super 8 over on Melrose and stop at the Safeway just up the street from it."

On the way she asked me why I'd done what I had and I explained it to her including the part about never having had a blow job before.

"Never? But you dated Sandy Beeler and I've been told that she gives the best head around here."

"I never had any sex with Sandy, let alone head."

"Oh you poor baby. I wish I had known. I'd have done you by hand to get the first one out of the way and then the blow job would have lasted longer."

As I drove I was thinking that it was obvious that Grace had a lot more experience than I did and then I started wondering what was going on. Why was Grace suddenly bestowing her favors on me? I stopped at the Safeway and she had me run inside and get her some spot remover and then I got a room at the motel.

In the room Grace took off her blouse and used the spot remover on her blouse and then she hung it up on the shower curtain rod to dry.

"What should we do while we are waiting for my blouse to dry" she asked as she unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor. "Any ideas" she asked as she stepped out of her skirt.

"Oh my God" I thought as I looked at her naked body and then I hurriedly started to undress. When I was naked Grace pushed me back on the bed and said, "Lets try this again" and she bent and took my cock in her mouth. She worked on me for several minutes while I laid there and thought I'd died and gone to Heaven. The feeling was incredible and I quickly came to understand why guys talked about blow jobs with such reverence.

My cock was throbbing when Grace took her mouth off of me and lowered herself down on my hard cock. She rode me cowgirl - sliding up and down and rocking back and forth - and moaned as she took my dick. She was the fourth girl that I'd ever been with and there was a major difference between the way I felt with her and the way I had felt with the others. I didn't understand it at the time, but later I figured out that it was the difference between having sex and making love. I had sex with the others, but with Grace I was making love.

Grace emitted a little cry as she had an orgasm and seconds later I had my climax. When Grace got off of me and fell to the bed next to me I sat up and looked down at her.

"You went down on me and I'd like to return the favor, but I never have done that before either. Tell me what to do."

"But you just came in me."

"So? You said that I should have let go in your mouth and if you were willing to let me do that I should be willing to do whatever I need to do to give you pleasure."

Grace gave me what amounted to "Eating Pussy 101" and surprisingly I enjoyed it. I enjoyed eating pussy so much that I dug in and was able to give her an orgasm with my mouth. By then my cock was hard again and Grace pulled me up on top of her and I made love to her for the second time. I lasted longer the second time - a lot longer - and I was able to give Grace two more orgasms before I had mine. I was just pulling out of her when she exclaimed:

"Oh shit! Look at the time. You need to get me home."

The first five minutes of the ride home I was silent, but then I had to ask. "What happened tonight Grace? Not that I'm complaining mind you, but why did you do what you did tonight?"

She stared out the passenger window for maybe ten seconds and then said, "I did it to get back at Dale for cheating on me."

"When and with who?"

"I don't know her name, but it happened in San Diego. When was last week. Belinda was there visiting her aunt and she saw Dale kissing some Spanish looking girl. She watched while Dale ran his hand up under the girls skirt and then they got up and walked down the street to a motel."

I stared out the window at the road in front of me while I argued with myself over whether I should do the right thing or keep my mouth shut. Like an idiot I let the "right thing" win.

"You or Dale ever do anything to Belinda to make her want to even with you?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"You know that my mom and dad are good friends with Dale's parents, right?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"Mom and dad keep an eye on their house while they are gone. Dale's mom and dad call and check in with my folks about once a week. They called the middle of last week and one of the things they told my mom when she talked with them was that they had made a last minute change in their summer travel plans. They didn't go to California. They went up to Canada instead. They called from Quebec. Dale was never in San Diego. Dale was never in California at all. Belinda lied to you."

Even in the dark car I could see her face pale as the realization of what I'd just said hit her.

"Oh my God" she moaned, "What am I going to do?"

I was silent for a moment or so and then I said, "You won't do anything. Tonight never happened. When you get up in the morning treat it as a weird dream that you had. Only two people know and I won't be telling anyone and I see no reason for you to tell anyone either."

"But I cheated on Dale."

"So what? You aren't married and you haven't taken any vows of fidelity. Besides, how do you know Dale hasn't played around while he is gone for the summer? Just let it be Grace. Pretend that it never happened."

Under the circumstances I didn't try for a goodnight kiss and as I watched her walk into her house I cursed myself for telling her what I had. I could have kept quiet and maybe kept Grace for myself, but in a way I would have been lying to her if I got her that way. Besides, how would she end up feeling if she threw what she and I had done in Dale's face when he got home and then found out that he wasn't guilty as charged.

After that night Grace didn't avoid me, but she didn't go out of her way to be around me either. Dale came home and as far as I know Grace never told Dale about our evening at the motel.

Senior year was busy and I had so much going on that I didn't think too often about Grace. No more than two or three times a day. I dated some and I scored some, but I always ended up mentally comparing the girls I made it with to Grace and they all came up short. The only ones who held my interest with Rita Martin and Hillary. Rita was willing to suck cock as long as you were willing to eat pussy and when Rita found out that I was very willing to do it she told me that I could call her anytime and if she already had a date she would break it just to go out with me.

I did call Hillary a couple of days after her birthday party and she asked me to meet her for lunch. I met her at Anderson's Steak House and she apologized for the way she had acted after the night I had taken her cherry.

"It wasn't you Rob; it was me. I was disgusted with myself. I had promised my mother and myself that I would walk down the aisle at my wedding as a virgin. I was down on myself for giving it up to you so easily and every time you called it just reminded me of how weak I had been. But I got over it and started looking forward to doing it with you again, but you never called and that pissed me off even though I was the one who told you to stop bugging me. And then I went and made an ass of myself at Sally's party."

"So what are you trying to tell me Hill?"

"What was it that you said at my party? That when it comes to sex I sure talk a lot about it? Well, as the old saying goes, "Talk is cheap." I've taken a gamble Rob. Before meeting you here I stopped and got a room across the street at the Marriott."

She slid a room key across the table to me and then watched to see what I would do. I looked from her to the key and then back at her and then I picked the key up and said:

"What are we doing wasting time here?"

From then on I shared my time between Hillary and Rita.

Prom was coming up and I was planning on asking Rita to be my date, but one evening the front doorbell rang and my mom hollered up at me:

"Rob honey; Grace is here to see you."

We went up to my room and then Grace asked, "Do you have a date for the prom yet?"

"Not yet. I plan on asking Rita Martin."

"You haven't asked her yet?"

"No. Why do you want to know?"

"Dale broke his leg in three places yesterday and so I was going to ask you to take me."

"I'm flattered Grace, but the thing is that Rita and I have something going."

"You and a half dozen others."

"What does that mean?"

"What it means is that on nights Rita isn't with you she is with someone else. You don't need to worry about Rita having a date for the prom. I'll bet that by now a couple of guys have asked her to be their date."

"I don't think so Grace. I'd end up in bad shape. I'd be holding you, dancing with you and that would have me remembering the last time we were on a date and I'd be praying that it would happen again and knowing that it wouldn't."

"Please Rob. No one else is going to ask me because of Dale. If you don't take me I won't be able to go. I don't want to miss the prom Robbie. Please?"

She was easily the best looking girl there and I know that a lot of guys there wished that they were me. The night went just like I knew it would. Holding Grace as we danced constantly brought back memories of what we had done and those memories kept my dick hard most of the night. I did my best to keep from poking Grace with it, but it still happened several times.

We hit two after prom parties and then I drove us home. On the way Grace slid over next to me and put her hand on my leg.

"Let me see it Robbie. Take it out for me."

"I don't think so Grace."

"All right then, I'll do it myself" and she pulled down my zipper. As she reached in for my cock she said, "I know what you gave up to take me to the prom tonight and I want to make it up to you. You seemed to like it the last time."

I pushed her hand away and said, "No thanks Grace; I don't need charity. If you wanted me for me I'd be all for it, but I'm not interested just because you think you owe me."

I zipped myself back up, but Grace didn't slide away from me. She sat next to me with her head on my shoulder the rest of the way home. I walked her to her door and she turned and put her arms around me and kissed me.

"Thank you Rob; thanks for being who you are" and then she kissed me again and went into her house.

Grace, Dale and I all attended a local college and while we ran across each other from time to time we each had different majors so we had very few shared classes outside of some of the basics like Intro to Calculus and English Composition 121. I did see and talk to Grace from time to time - we still lived two doors away from each other - but Dale didn't go on vacations with his parents anymore so I never had a chance to date Grace again.

In our junior year Dale proposed to Grace and she accepted and even though I'd known that some day it would happen I was crushed when it did. I went off on a two day toot that left me with a hurting head and the knowledge that it was my own fault. I could have prevented it by not telling Grace that Dale couldn't possibly be guilty of what she thought he was and letting her rub what we had done in his face when he got home. But I didn't do that so I would have to live with it.

I pined for Grace, but I knew that she would always be Dale's so I didn't bother to become a hermit where the ladies were concerned. I dated a lot, scored a reasonable amount of times and even had some relationships that lasted for several months, but I never found anyone I wanted to make things permanent with.

Graduation came and I got a job with XYZ Corporation. Grace landed a position with a local brokerage house and Dale went to work for Apollo Industries. Six months later and about two months before the wedding Apollo transferred Dale to the San Francisco office and he dropped off the radar screen. I found out later that he called Grace and had her postpone the wedding and then no one heard from him again. He never called Grace and when she called him she only got his voicemail. After three months she got on a plane and flew out to San Francisco and three days later she came home. There was no more talk of weddings and Grace, the few times I talked to her, never mentioned Dale at all.

Several months went by and then Grace and I were thrown together when Sissy Meyers and Dave Sampson got married. Grace was one of Sissy's bridesmaids and I was Dave's best man. I danced several times with Grace at the reception and just before the party broke up she came up to me and told me that she'd had too much to drink to drive safely and she asked me if I would give her a ride home. On the way to her apartment she slid over next to me and put her hand on my leg.

"Remember the last time I did this?"

"Indeed I do."

"Are you going to push my hand away this time also?"

"Is this some more of rubbing Dale's nose in it?"

She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then said, "Dale is history."

I made no move to push her hand away and she pulled my zipper down and worked my hard cock out of my pants. She lowered her head and just before she took my cock in her mouth she said:

"Don't pull it out like you did the last time. I don't have any spot mover at home and the stores are closed."

I didn't pull out -- I damned near hit a tree -- but I didn't pull out. Hours later as we lay next to each other trying to recover from three very active sessions I asked:

"How did this happen?"

She didn't have to ask what I meant and she said, "I've gone six months without what I used to get five and six nights a week. I needed this. I've only had sex with two men in my life and I didn't want to take pot luck. I wanted a known quantity and that would be you. If it had not been for Sissy's wedding I would have found some other way to make it happen."

"Any chance that this could turn into something?"

"I don't know Rob, could it?"

We started dating and six months later I asked Grace to marry me and she accepted. Four months after that we were married. I never did find out what happened between her and Dale and the one time I came right out and asked she told me that it was a subject that she wasn't prepared to discuss.