I guess I really got too carried away. John had gotten promoted to foreman and he invited the crew to stop after work with him for a little celebration. His wife was throwing a party for him the next evening, but he wanted to have a few drinks with just his crew so we followed him over to the Kit Kat Lounge.

The Kit Kat was a topless bar about ten minutes from work. You know how it is when you go out with the boys and start drinking. Some one buys a round and then some one else does and then it is your turn. You get half in the bag and are having a ball; throwing money at the dancers up on the platform, getting lap dances that get you hot and leave you horny. Pretty soon it is last call and you are drunk on your ass.

That is what happened to me. The bartender took away my keys and was getting ready to call me a cab when Keith, one of the guys I work with, said he would give me a ride home.

As drunk as I was I was still aware that I was in deep shit. My wife had been after me because of my drinking and when I got home, especially in the shape I was in, she was going to be severely pissed. Keith pulled into our drive and parked, got out and came around to the passenger side.

"Come on Burt, let's get you into the house."

I was so fucked up that I had to lean on him as we stumbled to the front door. He tried the knob and found that the door was locked.

"Give me your keys Burt" he said and when I looked at him dumbly he said, "Don't tell me, let me guess. Your house key is on the ring with your car keys and they are back at the bar. Shit! I guess we will just have to wake up your wife."

He rang the doorbell a couple of times and then we waited for Juanita. It took her a couple of minutes to wake up, throw on a robe and come down to the door. When she opened the door I saw the disgust register on her face. Kieth said, "Lead the way to your bedroom and I'll help you get him there."

"Just dump him on the floor there. He damned sure won't do me any good in bed."

"It sounds like the lady had plans for old Burt for the night."

Juanita looked at him, "Have we met? You don't look familiar."

"No, I've only been working with Burt for four months now. My name is Keith."

"Well Keith, thank you for bringing stupid home. Just let go of him and where ever he ends up he can stay. Can I offer you a cup of coffee or maybe a beer?"

"Coffee would be nice."

"Cream and sugar?"

"No, just black will be fine."

Keith let go of me and I staggered to the easy chair and fell into it. Have you ever been drunk to the point where your motor functions were impaired, your speech slurred and your words barely understandable, and you appeared comatose but were still aware of what was going on around you? Well, that is the state that I was in as I sat in that easy chair. It was like I was sitting there watching TV in my sleep.

Juanita brought Keith a cup of coffee and then the two of them sat on the couch across from me. Keith took a sip of his coffee and then said, "He do this often?"

"What? Get drunk?"

"Well that too, but what I meant was does he leave you hanging a lot?"

"Isn't that kind of a personal question and a bold one at that considering we have known each other all of four minutes?"

"You can't get answers if you don't ask questions."

"Why would you want to know?"

"Just curious. If I had something like you at home waiting for me I don't believe I'd waste time going to the bar with the guys to begin with."

"That's sweet of you to say that even if I do know it is a line of bullshit. No way that in this ratty old bathrobe, with no makeup and with my hair a mess can I be appealing to anybody."

"Nonsense. You are selling yourself short. Your natural sex appeal shines through like a beacon."

Juanita laughed, "I can't believe that you are making a pass at me right in front of my husband."

"What can I say? I feel partly responsible for ruining your plans for the night."

"And just how do you know that I had plans?"

"I'm a very observant guy. When you leaned down to hand me the coffee your robe parted just enough for me to catch a glimpse of something black and lacy. It has been my experience that women don't wear things like that as casual sleepwear."

"Yeah, well it certainly looks like I am for tonight."

"It doesn't have to go to waste."

"What do you mean?"

"We just came from a topless bar where we were paying women to show us their stuff. Since I'm already in the habit of doing that tonight I wouldn't mind paying you to take off that robe. I mean you obviously put that little black thing on to be seen and appreciated by a man."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh yes I am. There is something plastic about doing it in a titty bar. It's their job and while they do smile a lot there is no real enthusiasm. To them it is just another, "Ho hum, I'll just wave my tits in his face and he'll tuck a bill in my waist band" and then they are off to another table. Even the table dances are sexless as far as the dancers are concerned. Granted, they turn on the guys, but the dancer is just going through the motions to get her twenty bucks and then it's on to the next guy for another twenty."

"So just what are you asking? For me to take off my robe or give you the home version of a table dance."

"Yes."

"Yes? What kind of an answer is that?"

"I'm asking for you to take off the robe and give me a table dance."

"And you don't even care that my drunken husband is sitting there seven feet away?"

"Not in the least."

"Did Burt pay for any of those lap dances?"

"Kind of."

"What does that mean, kind of?"

"He wouldn't do it. Said you would kill him if he did and you found out. He wouldn't even do it when we all dared him so when he went to the bathroom we all chipped in and took up a collection and gave it to one of the girls and she sprung a dance on him when he came back. When it was over he tipped her ten bucks so I guess you can say he 'kind of' paid for one."

"You don't happen to know if he stopped at the bank and cashed his paycheck before going to the bar do you?"

"He went right from work to the bar with us."

"Shit!"

"What's wrong?"

"I have an appointment with my hairdresser in the morning so I'll look drop dead gorgeous when I go to John's party tomorrow night. Mae works out of her basement and she only takes cash. Stupid was supposed to stop and get his check cashed so I'd have the money for Mae. I suppose what little cash he had he dropped at the bar."

She got up and walked over to me and went through my pockets as I drunkenly sat there.

"Two whole dollars. I can sure get a lot done with that."

"Well then; I'd say that fate saw to it that I brought Burt home."

"How is that?"

"You need money for your hairdresser and here I am ready and willing to pay you to take off your robe, give me a lap dance, or whatever else we might be able to work out."

"You really think that I would do it?"

"I'm sure hoping."

"I'm not a professional and I'm not sure how good I'd be doing a strip tease in front of you and God knows I've heard of lap dances, but I don't have a clue how to do one. So what would be the going rate for me?"

"I'll give you fifty bucks to do a strip for me and another fifty for a lap dance."

"A hundred bucks? In front of my drunken husband?"

"Yeah. I kind of like the idea of him watching even if he probably doesn't know what's going on."

"Fifty bucks just to take off the robe?"

"Yeah, but maybe you could do it like a strip tease. Put on a pair of high heels and some music and make a show of it."