Okay, I admit it. I am one of those guys who would like to see his wife with another man and to anyone else the reason I want to see it would probably make absolutely no sense. But what the hell, there are times it makes absolutely no sense to me either, but for twenty-two years I have wanted it, my wife knows I want it (but not why and I don't ever intend that she ever finds out) and for ten years now she has been saying "maybe some day."

The story starts almost two years before I met Candy. She was a single mom of two just six months out of a bad marriage. She was working as a barmaid in a local bar and living in a two bedroom town home like apartment. She became good friends with the girl who lived in the apartment next to hers. Toni was another single mom and the two women became close.

Toni had a brother and he seemed to like Candy so Toni worked on Candy to get her to go out with Jimmy. Candy finally said yes and she and Jimmy started dating. One thing led to another and Candy and Jimmy fell in love. He proposed, she accepted, a wedding date several months in the future was picked and Candy and Toni got busy planning the wedding.

Jimmy was an over-the-road truck driver and his runs took him out of town for two or three days every week. One day about a month before he and Candy were to be married he told her the wedding was off. He had gotten a girl pregnant in one of the towns he over-nighted in and he was going to have to marry the girl.

Candy was crushed! She took her ring off and threw it at him, told him to get out and that she never wanted to lay eyes on him or even hear his name again. It was a very low point in her life. Her marriage had ended when she caught her husband fucking her cousin and when she left him she found out that her cousin wasn't the only one her husband had been doing. And then Jimmy and his girlfriend in another town! Half the men who hit on her at the bar were married and so she put it all together, decided that all men were pigs and that all any man wanted was access to a pussy. All that any of them wanted was just to use her. Well fuck that!!!

The problem was that Candy liked sex so avoiding men was not going to make her feel better. She didn't trust men anymore, but nothing said that she couldn't use them just like they wanted to use her. She went through a dozen or so over the next eight months until one day she woke up and said:

"What the hell am I doing? Do I really want a reputation as a slut? Is that the example I want to set for my daughter?"

The answer was of course "no!" and overnight she went from using men to avoiding men altogether.

It was right about that time that I started stopping at the bar after work. The bar was only three blocks from where I worked and all the guys I worked with stopped there. I'd never stopped before, but I was going through a bad spot in my slowly disintegrating marriage and I just didn't want to go home.

Candy might have given up on men, but a good bit of her income came from tips so she still smiled a lot and was friendly, if a bit standoffish. It was about three months after I started stopping and I had just gotten off work and come into the bar when the phone rang. It was for Candy and it was the babysitter calling to say that Candy's gas stove had just blown up and that Billy, Candy's two year old son, had his eyebrows singed. Candy panicked, ran into the office and told her boss that she had a family emergency and had to run home.

Candy's car had not been running for a while and she was saving up money to have it fixed. She had been taking the bus to and from work, but the bus schedule after six was like one every forty-five minutes. She called for a cab and the dispatcher told her that it would be about a half hour before he could get a taxi to her. She was rapidly losing it -- she had to get home to her baby -- so I offered to run her home. Under any other circumstances she would have said, "Thank you, but no thanks" but this time she said, "Oh God yes, thank you" and she grabbed her purse and looked at me like, "Well? What are you waiting for?"

I drove her home and offered to look at her malfunctioning stove, but I was talking to her back as she hustled out of the car and ran for her apartment. I followed her in and found out that Billy was basically unhurt. It turned out that he was a curious two-year old and he had seen his mom and the babysitter turn on the burners so he decided that he wanted to turn one of the knobs too. This was years and years ago when knobs were on the front of the stove and not up on a panel in the back. Also way back then you knew you had to turn the knob a little bit at a time until the pilot light lit the burner and then you turned it up to the heat level you wanted. Billy turned the knob full on and the pilot light lit off the fast rush of gas and the flash got Billy's eyebrows. The worst of it was the stink of burned hair. Candy said she wasn't going back to work so I got in my pick-up and left.

It was three days before I stopped at the bar again and when Candy brought me my beer she told me that it was on her and then she thanked me for giving her a ride home. I told her that she really needed to get her car fixed and then I asked her what was wrong with it. She said she didn't know, it just wouldn't start. She thought it might have been the battery, but it still wouldn't start when Toni tried to give her a jump. Then she told me that it didn't matter because she just didn't have the money to put it in the shop right then. I told her I would look at it for her and she told me that she appreciated the offer, but she couldn't afford to pay me. I told her that I didn't expect her to pay me just for looking at it.

The next day was Saturday and I was off and she didn't have to go in to work until four so I picked her up at her place and drove over to where the car was parked. I popped the hood and checked out the battery and the cables and they looked okay. There was no corrosion on the battery posts and the cable ends were tight. But when I tugged on the cables I found that the ground was pretty loose. I checked and found that where the cable grounded to the engine block the nut that held it on the engine block stud had come loose and fallen off. Without a ground the battery wouldn't work. I drove to the closest hardware store, bought a nut and went back and installed it and told Candy to turn the key. The car started right up. Candy asked me what she owed me and I told her she could buy me my first beer the next time I came into the bar.

I followed her home to make sure that she didn't have any other problems and then I headed for home for another confrontation with my wife. It would be one more in a long line of confrontations. Things had not been worth spit between us since she got tangled up with a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses. No way an agnostic and a brand new "true believing fanatic" are going to make anything work. I was holding on -- barely, just barely -- hoping that she would come to her senses, but deep down I knew I was wasting my time.

About three months went by and Candy tended to gravitate to my end of the bar whenever I stopped in. We became friends of a sort and I would occasionally do favors for her. Things like going places and getting things for her that she couldn't get done because of her work schedule.

During those same three months I moved out of my house and told my wife to give me a call if she ever decided that she would rather have me around than a bunch of religious fanatics. I got an apartment close to work (which also made it close to the bar) and got on with my life.

One night Candy told me that she would like to have me over for dinner as a way of saying thank you for all I'd done for her and I saw no harm in it so I said okay. I had a nice time and I asked her if I could take her and her kids to the movies the following weekend. She hesitated for a couple of seconds, but then said yes. For the next two months I took her and her two kids, Billy and Debbie, out to movies, dinner, the lake, the amusement park and ball games.

One night Candy asked me why I had never kissed her goodnight at the end of one of our dates and I held up my left hand and said that as long as I wore the ring I was honor bound to behave myself. I didn't know it at the time, but that struck a chord in her. It made her think that maybe all men weren't assholes just out to get laid.

Two more months went by and one day I got a phone call from the wife and she asked me to come home and talk to her. I don't know what I expected, but I wasn't surprised when she said that we couldn't go on the way we were. I either had to become a Witness so we could get on with our lives or she wanted a divorce. I told her I would see a lawyer as soon as I could get an appointment and I got up and left.

Michigan was "no fault" and the divorce wasn't contested so six months later I took my ring off and tossed it out the window as I drove to work. Two days later Candy asked me to give her a ride home from work as she had loaned Toni her car. She asked me in for coffee when I got her home and we made small talk until I got up to go. Candy walked me to the door and as I reached for the door knob she stood up on her toes and kissed me. I asked her why she had done that and she told me that she had noticed my naked ring finger on my left hand and then she kissed me again. I kissed her back and from then on our weekend outings took on a new meaning. Six months later on New Year's Eve I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Both of our birthdays were in June so we decided on a June wedding.

My job took me out of town from time to time and some of those trips could be as long as two or three weeks. On night I came home from a trip that had taken me out of town for two weeks and the first place I headed was to Candy's. I had a key so I let myself in and found Candy sitting at the kitchen table with Toni and a man. I was introduced to Jimmy, Toni's brother and Candy's ex-fiancée.

I could tell from the way Jimmy was looking at Candy that he still considered her to be his and I set him straight on that by walking over to Candy, pulling her up from her seat giving her a big hug and a kiss that made us both week in the knees. I wasn't dumb and I knew he was going to try and worm his way back into Candy's good graces, but I wasn't worried because she had told me the whole story about what he had done and how she considered him lower than dirt.

The story, as it was told to me by Candy after Toni and Jimmy had gone, was that he had married the pregnant girl, the baby came along -- a little girl -- and that one day the little girl had had an accident and had needed a blood transfusion. Jimmy had rushed to the hospital only to be told that his blood wasn't compatible. How could that be he wanted to know, he was the father. He was told that "medically" there was no way he could be the father. In the confrontation with his wife that followed she finally admitted that he wasn't the father, but that she thought he would be a better father and husband than the guy who had knocked her up. He left her, got a divorce and moved back to live with Toni until he could find a place of his own. How much of that was true I had no way of knowing, but that is the story as it was told to me.

For the next couple of months it seemed like every time Toni and Candy got together Jimmy would be there. Over the same period of time I had to go out of town on several work related trips and when I got back from one of them Candy told me that she had let Jimmy talk her into letting him take her and the kids out to dinner and a movie. I wasn't happy about it, but I didn't say anything. It happened again on the next trip I took and that time I told Candy that I didn't like it. She told me that I had nothing to worry about, that she had no interest in Jimmy and besides, the only reason she agreed to go was because Toni was going to go with them. At the last second Toni had backed out, but by then the kids were all excited about going to the movie so Candy went ahead and went with Jimmy. I told her again I didn't like it and that I didn't trust Jimmy. Candy again told me that I had nothing to worry about.

Then one Sunday Candy and I got into an argument. We had planned a picnic and I got a call and had to go into work. I told Candy that I had to cancel on the picnic and she said she would get Toni to go with her and the kids. Toni told Candy that she would meet her at the park and when she showed up she had Jimmy with her. Half an hour after she got there Toni "remembered" something that she just had to do and she left. Jimmy did not leave with her. When I found out about it I was pissed.

"Can't you see what is going on here? Jimmy is trying to get back together with you and Toni is trying to help him. First she cancels on dinner and the movies so he gets to be alone with you and then she drags him along to the picnic and then leaves. Can't you see it?

"No I can't" she said. "So what if Jimmy is there? So are my kids. You think anything is going to happen with them around?"

"You can bet that he is going to try and find a way to make something happen. I don't trust him."

"It isn't him that you have to trust. I'm the one you have to trust and if you don't or can't now is as good a time to find out as any."

There wasn't anything I could say to that so I shut up, but she knew I was pissed and she was just as pissed at the thought that I didn't trust her to be able to handle Jimmy. Things were a little cool between us for the next two days and then, before we had a chance to make things right the company sent me out of town on a two week trip that turned into three months. I called Candy the first night I settled in at the motel I would be staying at to let her know where she could reach me and she apologized for the way she had acted and I apologized for making her think I didn't trust her to handle Jimmy and over the next two months there were cards, letters and phone calls exchanged, several a week, and all with protestations of undying love an affection.

One night at the beginning of the third month I got a call from one of the guys I worked with. He wanted to know when I'd be coming home and I told him in about three weeks. He told me that I needed to get back as quick as I could because Candy was spending a lot more time with Jimmy than she should.

When I talked to Candy on the phone I didn't mention the phone call from Paul. She said she missed me terribly and couldn't wait for me to get home. I told her that I would be home in three weeks and in plenty of time for the wedding and to just hang in there. There was no change in the tone of the letters, cards or phone calls from her, but I couldn't put the call I'd gotten from Paul out of my mind and I made up my mind that as soon as I got home I was going to do some checking.

I'd told Candy that I would be back in three weeks when actually I would be back in two. I was going to use that third week to see what, if anything, was going on between Candy and Jimmy. I didn't need that third week. I found out what I needed to know on the day I got back.

It was a Sunday and Candy had Sundays off. I was parked just up the street from her place and I'd been sitting there almost four hours when I saw Toni come out of her place and walk over to Candy's. Five minutes later she came out of Candy's with Billy and Debbie and took them over to her place. Fifteen minutes later Jimmy showed up, Candy came out and got in his car and they drove off.

I followed them to Mason's Steakhouse and waited outside while they ate. From Mason's they went to the Aladdin Lounge. I knew the Aladdin well and I gave them about a half hour and then I went in the back door. The place was fairly dark with the only decently lit spot being the dance floor. I was back in the shadows watching as Candy and Jimmy danced. They danced close to each other and when his hand slid down to her ass she didn't push it away. The song they were dancing to ended and Jimmy bent his head and kissed her. My angle was bad and I couldn't tell if she kissed him back, but she didn't step back from him or slap his face. They walked back to a booth and Candy slid in and then Jimmy slid in next to her -- not on the seat opposite her, but right next to her.

I'd seen enough and so I went back outside and waited. About two hours later they came out and got in his car and drove back to Candy's place. Jimmy went inside with her. Candy's apartment was more like a condo than an apartment. The second floor had two bedrooms and a bathroom and the first floor was a living room and combination kitchen/dinning room. The living room had a sliding glass door out to a small patio that looked out on a small piece of open space.

I had a key to Candy's place and the key fit both the front door and the patio door. I figured that whatever took place would happen in Candy's bedroom and I would go around back and watch through the patio door until I saw them go upstairs and then I would let myself in through the patio door. After that I didn't know. Leave a note on the kitchen table? Follow them upstairs and ask for my ring back? Stick my head in the door and yell "You're busted!" and then leave? I did know that I didn't intend to do any screaming and that there would be no violence unless Jimmy came off the bed and at me. If he did his game needed to be good if he was to stay out of the hospital since he would get the full benefit of my anger.