Copyright © 1995

or Practice Makes Perfect

I owe my life to Guru Tsu. I discovered his teachings when I was twelve. Before my parents' divorce, I practically lived in the library. When I read the first book, it was as if I could see for the first time. His words gave me comfort when I needed it the most.

It wasn't long before I sought out other followers of Guru Tsu's Way. We'd meet once or twice a week to meditate, study his writings and do enlightenment exercises. I was really good at "going to level," what we called the deep meditation state. Glory, who had actually studied under Guru Tsu, said I was really advanced for my age. She said that I had an "inner illumination" that would make me a natural guide, but that I needed further, deeper instruction. My heart leapt when she told me that I might be able to learn at the feet of Guru Tsu himself. But I'd have to wait until I was older and, until then, I'd have to follow the Way, especially the paths of purity and chastity. As if she had to tell me!

From that moment on I counted the days. It was hard doing mundane things like going to school and doing chores, but I ignored the hedonism of the other kids at school by meditating and studying the Way. My mom, unable to control her own worldly urges, wasn't around much anyway, so I had plenty of time to contemplate on the Way.

The days became months, then years. Many people came and left our cluster as their faith in the Way waxed and waned, but I never wavered in my resolve. I devoutly followed the Way, and finally my devotion was rewarded. I was called to join Guru Tsu at the Common!

When I boarded the private plane, it took every bit of my meditative control to keep my excitement in check. Through the long flight, I tried to stay at level, but my mind was awash in anticipation. Glory had cautioned me that even with all my years of study and exercise, it could never compare with the experience of studying under Guru Tsu himself. My being would be in a constant state of wonderment, if not utter shock.

I got my first surprise as I got off the plane and saw that no one at the Common wore clothes. It really shouldn't have surprised me. After all, matters of the spirit was the preoccupation here, not physicality. Still, it took a bit of adjustment. I'd immersed myself in virtue and purity practically my entire life, rejecting all thoughts of the flesh. It was hard to see people, both women and, especially, men, displaying themselves shamelessly without being reminded of my own carnal feelings. It was to be my first lesson.

I was greeted by a young woman who told me her name was Pearl and she was to be my guide for the first few days until I became accustomed to my new surroundings. She showed me to my room and said I could leave my clothes there and she would show me the grounds. When I stood naked before her, I tried not to be self-conscious, but she noticed it right away. "Don't worry," she laughed. "Once you meet with Tsu, you'll get over it."

As we wandered the grounds while she pointed out the meditation temple, the dining halls and the other areas, I couldn't help but notice that every man who crossed our path seemed to be in a state of sexual arousal. I'd never seen a man naked before, but I'd studied enough to know that guys weren't always erect like that. Then I noticed that every woman there, including Pearl, were obviously sexually excited as well, even the ones that were in various stages of pregnancy. Their thighs were literally dripping with moistness. I suddenly recognized that for the first time in my life I was filled with what I could only call a sensual lust. My nipples, like every other woman in the Common, were thick and tight and I felt a growing warmth between my legs.

As if she could hear my innermost thoughts, Pearl smiled and said, "Yes, one's first days at the Common can be confusing in its joy, but Tsu will explain everything."

We ate dinner in one of the small halls. We sat with two other girls. Pearl introduced me to Undine. She was also a guide. The girl with her had come to the Common the previous day. Pearl told them I'd meet with Guru Tsu tomorrow. Undine told us the girl she was with would be seeing him tomorrow, too. It was odd, but I didn't catch the name of Undine's charge.

"I'm so jealous of the two of you," Undine said. "I wish I could re-live meeting Tsu for the first time. How wonderful the experience is!"

The other new girl didn't say much during dinner. She probably felt like me, a little shy and a bit overwhelmed by all the newness. I could tell, though, that she was filled with excitement. When we all finished eating and rose to leave, I couldn't help but notice that her thighs were coated with a filmy fluid. Just like Undine's and Pearl's. Just like mine.

It turned out that Undine's ward had the room next to mine, so the four of us walked back to the living quarters together. When we got to my room, Undine said the two of them would see us at lunch the next day, and then we'd go together to the yang reception ceremony. Then they both went into the new girl's room.

Pearl opened my door and we went in. I was exhausted from all the excitement of the day and I sat on the bed, ready to collapse. Pearl sat next to me and hugged me tightly. The feeling of her breasts pressed upon mine only made the unusual desire within me burn deeper. When she kissed me, our tongues met and I moaned slightly, a shiver traveling up my legs and into my belly. Then she got up and went to the door, saying, "Sleep well. You've got a demanding day tomorrow."

I slipped into bed, shaking a bit from the confusing feelings I was experiencing. The sheets, surprisingly, felt like satin and, unaccustomed to sleeping in the nude, the material against my flesh only increased the intensity of the embers I felt inside me trying to burst into an inferno. For the first time in years I was tempted to touch myself, but I called upon my meditation training, went to level and soon I was asleep.

The next morning, I was woken by a kiss. Pearl had brought me breakfast. As I ate, Pearl outlined my day. First was a series of physical exercises to prepare my body for the spiritual teachings that followed. Then, after I was physically cleansed and ready, I would be brought to Guru Tsu for a series of personal instruction and training. I grew excited in anticipation. Then I would participate in the yang reception ceremony. Before I could even ask, Pearl said, "I can't explain or even describe it. After your audience with Tsu, you will understand."

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to the physical exercises. I'm really not much into exercising. No one would ever accuse me of being skinny, but I'm not grossly overweight and I'd had my share of boys at school looking at me with obviously carnal thoughts. Even so, I'm what's called a "full-figured" girl, especially in the hips, bottom and bust, and I hoped no one was going to try to suddenly make me a size eight in a matter of hours.

I needn't have worried. When we got to the exercise room, instead of the typical gym equipment I was expecting, Pearl led me to a simple massage table. Pearl told me to lie on the table on my stomach, and another women came in and gave the most incredible massage I'd ever had. Actually, it was the first massage I'd ever had, but it was wonderful. When the masseuse massaged my buttocks, I got a bit tense, but it passed quickly, and when she kneaded my breasts and thighs, it seemed so natural that I didn't think twice about it. By the time she probed my labia, I was in such a state of tranquility that I eagerly accepted it as part of the sensuality of the experience.

I was totally at peace with my body. Every muscle was utterly content. Then Pearl told me to go to level. As calm as I was, I slipped in easily, my eyes already closed, my mind already in a state of bliss. I vaguely felt the masseuse lifting my legs off the table. "Try to keep them raised," she commanded. I held them in the air, then she continued, "Good. Now spread them apart."

Normally, I'd have been too shy to separate my thighs so widely, but in my serenity, I was emboldened and I pulled my legs wide apart. I shivered slightly as I felt the cool air on my labia. "Very nice," I heard the masseuse say, "you already shows signs of receptivity. Now, keep your thighs apart and touch your heels together." My thighs quivered and my buttocks quivered against the table as my feet met, making me shiver. I realized that my vagina was open and moist and I felt a trickle of liquid sliding down between my buttocks. "Yes," she continued, "you're quite receptive. You'll have no trouble with Tsu's preparations."

"From this point forward," Pearl instructed, "relax and keep at level as we prepare you for your meeting with Tsu." My greatest wish was about to come true and it was hard to remain in control, but I concentrated on my inner peace. Even so, I'd falter occasionally and my heart would begin to race.

I was led to another room where I was bathed and dried. My hair was brushed and simply styled. I felt utterly pampered. Then I was taken to a small room.

The lighting was dim and diffuse. The only furniture was a single curved chair without arms, closely facing each other. I was placed in it and the chair slid backward, so my head was level with my upturned hips. Then the chair rose until my head was slightly more than waist-level to Pearl. It was a surprisingly restful position. I felt as if I was lying in the palm of a large soft hand with my legs spread and dangling comfortably in the air. Then Pearl and the other left and I was alone. I calmed myself and concentrated on my meditative state.

When one is at level, time has no meaning. After I was in the room alone for minutes or hours or days, I slowly became aware of another presence. When he began to speak, it was filled with such peace and love, it was as if we had been talking intimately for years.

"Are you comfortable, child?"

"Yes, Guru Tsu."

He was standing next to me, his face smiling down at me. He seemed much younger than I had expected. Instead of the sage elder I had envisioned, he was trim and muscular. Like every other male I'd seen at the Common, his long penis stood thick and rigid. Surprisingly, in retrospect, I didn't find that threatening in the least.

"Please, child, if you would, call me Tsu. Honorifics have no place at the Common. We are all equals in our spirituality.

"I hear and understand, Tsu," I replied, falling into the ritual response.

"I have followed your progress with great interest," he said, his hand idly stroking my hair. "Your teachers tell me you have great wisdom for one so young. This is why you have been asked to join the Common. They believe you will accept the truth that is about to be revealed to you.

"But first, I would be honored if you would accept from me a gift. A humble adornment, if you will. I should like to call you Roe, and it would please me if you would take it as your name." He bowed slightly.

"I am honored to accept," I replied. "To you and to all, I am Roe." In the position I was in, I couldn't return the bow, but I nodded my head.

"Thank you," he said softly, "I am blessed by your acceptance." He turned and walked slowly, moving toward my legs. He said, in a louder voice. "Now, Roe, here is a puzzle. We are spiritual beings." He paused.

"That always were and always will be, perfect in our spirituality," I finished.

"Yet," he continued, "we inhabit physical bodies within a physical world. Why is that?"

"Our physical bodies, indeed, the physical world is a manifestation of our spiritual beings," I replied.

"Yes. But if that is so, why is it that our physical bodies age and die?"

"Age and deterioration is a reflection of our imperfect understanding of our spiritual nature." I almost allowed myself to indulge in a small sense of pride, but instead I maintained level.

"So we accept that death is evidence of the physical world's imperfection. But then we must also accept that birth is also such evidence."

I thought for a second. "Yes," I decided. "In the environment of pure enlightenment there is no death. Therefore there would be no birth."

"So," he said, "the agents of birth, the ovum and the sperm, are the result and exist only because of our blindness to our true spirituality.

"Yes," I agreed.

He had moved so that he was standing at my feet, facing me. "And that would also mean that the abstractions of male and female, active and passive, yin and yang, are also the consequence of the misunderstanding of our spirituality, is that right?"

I fell silent as I contemplated. Then I spoke. "No, Tsu, that is not right. Yin and yang are perfect states, not bound by the physical. There is an error in reason."

He moved forward. "Your teachers spoke truth. You are wise beyond your years." His hand rose to stroke my inner calve.

"The error, Roe, is in the initial fact and the unstated assumption. The unstated word. 'Merely.' Our physical bodies are not 'merely' a manifestation of our spiritual beings. They are essential to our journey, to our enlightenment."

His eyes grew intense as he stared into mine. "In disengaging the spiritual from the physical and designating our actions as either only spiritual or physical, we are overwhelmed with hunger while starving ourselves spiritually.

Our spiritual beings need nourishment. This sustenance manifests itself as the flow of essence from the center outward. Conceptually, from the earth to the heavens. This is physically manifest in the mating of male and female.

"I need not tell you that, we, male and female, have a physical need for coitus. This is borne from a spiritual need for physical union, for the coupling of the male and female, to allow the flow of spiritual essence from the earth, through the male, to the heaven, through the female. This need is strong. You have noticed this, especially here, have you not?"

I nodded. I was beginning to struggle with maintaining level while his hand was stroking my leg, his fingers moving slowing upward towards my thigh,, but I was aware enough to believe I noticed a discrepancy. I waited to mention it.

"This need is the physical manifestation of our need for spiritual nourishment. This nourishment is normally consumed via the physical chakra. In the male this is mundanely known as the prostate, in the female as the cervix.

Tsu must have noticed that I was having trouble staying at level. He stopped stroking my leg and continued. "When confronted with this need to exchange essence yet unable to connect with the spiritual flow and receive nourishment, chakras, the male has no choice but to cannibalize his own life essence. This is manifest as sperm. In the female it is manifest as the ovum."

I was beginning to understand the implication of his words. But the discrepancy bothered me. "Tsu," I interrupted, "the earth is traditionally represented as yin and the heavens as yang, but you describe the flow reversed. The male, the active, passes essence to the female, the passive."

Tsu smiled. "This is the manifestation. This is the cause of our starvation." He paused.

I understood in a surge of enlightenment. I cried, "My God, I see! The male is meant to be yin and the female is supposed to be yang!" The import of the realization was startling.

"Yes, Roe," Tsu said, grinning, "You are, indeed, most perceptive. The male is unable to pass the spiritual essence actively. He is the conduit and the female is the active recipient. She must draw the essence from him."

I eagerly nodded, excited at the insight. "So that, with the male as the passive conduit and the female as the active recipient, the direction of the spiritual flow is from yin to yang, the degeneration of the couples' beingness is negated, the cycle of birth and death is broken!." I began to shake. "Tsu, I understand! I understand!"

In my excitement, I had completely left my meditative state. I was beginning to babble something about entropy when Tsu instantly broke through my agitation by reaching out and placing his hand upon my pubic mound. The sudden intimate contact made me gasp.

I looked down at his hand upon me, then looked up into his eyes. His gaze was warm and strangely inviting.

He said softly, "Do you also understand why you are here, Roe?"

My gaze fell from his eyes to his groin. His rigid penis was less than an inch from my vagina, poised for entry. I felt myself becoming moist with a carnal heat.

Suddenly I understood perfectly. Yang reception. The female act of actively receiving essence from the passive male.

I lowered my eyes. "Yes, Tsu," I whispered, "I believe I do."

"Will you accept the truth and, so, the responsibility? Will you follow the Way and prepare yourself for yang reception?"

I hesitated. It was a great leap of faith I was being asked to make. My acceptance would mean I would take a man's penis into my virgin vagina and receive his ejaculate. If the Way was not true, I would actually be taking sperm into my ovulating womb. I was coming into the fertile time in my cycle. I'd become pregnant.

"Tsu," I said, my voice quivering slightly, "I am not perfect in my belief. I have doubts. I am afraid of conceiving and bearing a child."

"Roe," Tsu said comfortingly, "you need but remember that it is not your beliefs only that will control the reality. There is also your partner. Even if your faith is weak and you cannot accept the male's spiritual offering, thus creating the ovum within you, if your partner's faith is firm, there will be no sperm in his seminal essence. There can be no impregnation, no conception, no childbearing. Just as there will for you be no aging, no deterioration. No death. And, without the aggression borne of frustration, a new age of peace and love. You will be part of the vanguard that ushers in this new age for humanity."

No death. The vanguard of a new age.

It had to be true. It was the only truth that made sense.

I confronted and banished my concerns. "Yes, Tsu," I said resolutely. "I see and understand. I accept the responsibility. I accept the Way."

Tsu smiled. "You are devout as you are wise, Roe. I am honored to be in the presence of one so firm in her faith." He bowed deeply. I shivered as I felt his breath play upon my abdomen.

Now that my faith was true, I was overwhelmed with anticipation. My heart started to race. "Are--are you to prepare me for the ceremony?" I asked, fighting to get back to level.

"No, Roe. You will prepare yourself. I cannot do so, for it would negate my yin. I can, however, offer you guidance which you may choose to accept."

I realized I'd asked the wrong question. "Are you to be--my partner?"

He placed his hands on my hips. "For your initiate reception. If you should wish it so." His eyes rested upon my breasts, which rose and fell with my quickening breath.

My voice trembled. "I--I d-do wish it so."

He then bowed again and solemnly asked, "Do you want to take my conduit within you, to draw from me the spiritual in substance? Will you sup from my body to take nourishment for your soul?" I felt each syllable flutter through my pubic hair and my labia began to quiver, swelling with desire.

I recognized the form and responded as clearly as my gasping breath would allow. "I w-want to take your c-conduit with-- within me, and d-draw from you the spiritual in substance. I will s-sup from your b-body to t-take nourishment for my soul." I felt my wetness begin to run out from between my throbbing labial folds.

He rose and stood motionless between my legs. The heat from his firm, thick penis, little more than millimeters from my vagina, inflamed me. I was aching to take him into me, craving to fill myself with his flesh.

"Raise your legs and rest them upon my hips," Tsu said.

I wrapped her legs around him. His skin felt warm and rough against my soft thighs. I gasped when I felt his penis touch me between my legs. Steeling myself, I clamped my legs tightly onto Tsu's waist and dug my heels into his back, pulling myself swiftly up off the chair and up into his groin.

My body shuddered as I felt his penis pressing tightly against my moist flesh only to slide downwards, running along the cleft of my bottom to rest snugly between my buttocks.

Tsu smiled down at me as the soft globes of my bottom quivered against him. "No, Roe. You must take care not to become too aggressive. You must simply open yourself and draw me into you." I sighed passionately as I loosened my legs' tight grip on him and lowered myself back onto the chair. He pulled out and away.

Tsu continued softly, "Take my penis in your hand and position the head at the entrance to your vagina." I reached down and gingerly wrapped my fingers around the long, firm shaft, already moist from its contact with my damp skin. I felt his blood coursing through the warm velvety column. It throbbed against my palm, and my eyes widened, my heart raced. For a instant I imagined this massive flesh inside me, spurting sperm into my womb, inundating the egg floating deep inside me, making it grow, making me pregnant. As fearful as I was at the danger of carrying a child within me, the idea made me warm with desire.

I put the vision out of my mind and, my breath rasping, I pressed the bulbous head into the soft folds of my labia. "Softly rub the tip up and down along the fold," Tsu said. I did as he suggested. The sensation of the cushiony head sliding along the length of my slick vaginal lips sent sparks of pleasure through me. I felt my moistness trickling out of me, sliding down between the cleft of my buttocks.

Tsu whispered, "Your initiate reception must be achieved with as little aggression as possible. You must open yourself gently and freely so your vaginal passage can embrace the penis tightly against your physical chakra, extract the seminal secretions and take it within you with without force. Your vagina must expand and blossom just as the petals of a flower open to welcome pollination.

"As I lean forward, place your hands on my shoulders. I will place my hands upon your breasts to allow for the circular flow of energy between us."

"Ahh," I gasped as his fingers pressed onto my taut nipples. His touch sent shoots of fire down through my body.

"Yes," Tsu sighed, his breath becoming husky, "you can feel the energy coursing, can you not?"

"Hhh-y-yes," I rasped.

"Now with your legs, gently pull me towards you." As I did, I felt the warm head nestle snugly in my labia. I began to moan softly.

"Focus on your labial folds," Tsu breathed. "Feel them bared and exposed, spreading and unfolding, growing moist as they open to welcome in the seminal messenger." My lips fluttered and parted around the silky tip and my moans grew louder as his penis began to slide into me.

"Now concentrate on your vaginal channel. Visualize it widening and expanding to accommodate the thickness. Feel it growing slick with your welcoming fluids." I felt myself becoming wetter, the liquid running through my trembling buttocks and down my back, and I felt his warm flesh slowly sliding into my vagina.

"Ohhh," I cried as I felt my labia close around the head as it passed into me.

"Yes," Tsu hissed, "draw in it. Feel your vagina opening and widening, welcoming and receiving."

I felt myself growing more and more open as I accepted more and more of his penis into me. I felt my vagina begin to ripple upon his hard flesh, my labial lips caressing and embracing his shaft.

Then I felt a pressure deep within me as the progress of the fleshy column waned, then stopped. Tsu whispered, "Just as in your spiritual training, effort is needed to pass the barriers to enlightenment. Just as discarding false perceptions may bring initial trauma, so too may advancing though the physical obstruction cause an initial discomfort."

My moans grew louder as Tsu's fingers began to stroke my breasts. "These tender stimulations should assist in helping to reduce the shock." My back arched and my breasts rose into his caresses. As he fondled my aching nipples, my pelvis began to rock gently and the pressure of his firmness upon my hymen increased.

"Oh, oh, oh," I cried as the rutting of my hips increased in intensity and the stress of his unyielding penis upon the membrane blocking its entry rhythmically escalated. "Oh, oh-- Oh!!" The pressure suddenly became a stab of pleasure-pain as the veil began to rupture. "Oh!!" My hips rose up again and another delicious sting shot through me. My secretions flowed out of me, trying in vain to ease the shock of my maidenhead being split and torn away. "Aah!!" The sharp sensation washed over me again and I felt Tsu's thick penis suddenly shift within me. "Aaagh!" Each roll of my pelvis brought another sweet pang of pain and his manhood slid a bit deeper into my inflamed sheathe.

Then the sharpness of the pain ebbed and the long, stiff flesh continued its descent into my depths. "The worst is passed, my little Roe," Tsu gasped, "Soon you will hold my penis fully within your vagina. Soon you will begin to draw the essence from my body, the nourishment you so crave to take and I so crave to give."

"Yes, Tsu," I moaned, "yes, I feel your presence inside me so intensely, I-- Oh!!" "I felt his testicles suddenly pressing tightly upon my buttocks. At the same time, deep within me, I felt the head of his penis touch the bottom of my vagina. "Oh, Tsu," I cried, "it feels--it feels so good in me, so deep inside me, I feel so--so--"

"It is the pressure on your chakra that gives you such pleasure," Tsu explained in a husky voice. "The chakra, what you would call your cervix, hungers for that which it knows is now within its reach. Feel how it pulses against the head of the conduit."

"Y-yes, I--I do," I groaned.

"And feel how my penis also pulses within you, the energy that surges through it, growing and intensifying, building to explosive release."

"Hh-yes, yes, I--I--"

"You must not let the energy remain restricted, Roe. When the essence is allowed to stay seething with the male, it becomes infused with the active seed of his life force. And when it is fully charged with his sperm, that is when he must ejaculate, aggressively driving it into the female's womb, causing conception and childbirth."

Again my mind was overcome with the possibility of becoming pregnant. I pictured my belly bulged out, grown fat with Tsu's child. As pleasantly erotic as the image was, I knew that dwelling on it would make it so.

"Tsu," I moaned, my desire burning hot within me, "give me guidance so I may drink of the essence within you.

"You must begin gently, little Roe," Tsu breathed. "Tighten your vaginal channel upon my penis."

Concentrating through the flames of passion that threatened to overwhelm me, I squeezed the muscles deep with me, constricting my narrow passage, securing my grip on Tsu's thick member. "Oooh," I squealed as I felt Tsu's penis twitch faintly inside me.

"Feel how my penis responds to your pressure. Squeeze again, then quickly relax, then just as quickly squeeze again."

I again compressed my vagina upon the firmness within me and I thrilled at the sensation of his warm flesh filling me. I loosened my grip and Tsu's penis sank further into me. I moaned as his pubic bone stroked my clitoris and I shuddered at the sudden pressure of the shaft pressing against my cervix. Reflexively, I quickly tightened my grip on his manhood again and cried out as the staff brushed across the sensitive entrance to my womb and my clitoris was again caressed by his warm flesh.

Without prompting I began to rhythmically tighten and relax my vaginal sheathe, clutching and unclutching the presence so deeply lodged within me. I moaned again and again as my clitoris and my cervix was simultaneously massaged over and over, making the flames of ecstacy burn hotter and brighter inside me.

"Yes," Tsu moaned, his breath now quick and short, "let your body guide you now. Follow where it leads."