Don’t ask me how I got suckered into it - guess I felt sorry, or maybe it was just the desire to help out an old friend...

So what had I let myself in for? Well, cleaning out the old barn, that’s what.

If I say it was untidy and filthy, you’ll have to understand that understated it like describing Krakatoa as just a small volcanic explosion.

I had started after a breakfast coffee, and it was now getting towards winter dusk and getting dark. Time - haven’t a clue - wasn’t wearing a watch, in fact, anything other than a cheap, throwaway, jumpsuit. Overall I deliberately wasn’t wearing a lot.

Most of the barn was now passably clean. The twenty-odd bags of detritus I’d collected were neatly stacked to be collected by a disposal company in the morning. So, having come to a stop I was now standing outside the house backdoor with my old friend, head on one side, looking at me.

“Right!”

I knew then that there was a finality that meant coming inside ‘as I was’ was not going to happen.

“I suggest you strip off, there’s an outside shower just inside the barn entrance, if you let it run for a short while it’ll run warmer.”

Not hot, you’ll notice.

“Here’s some industrial soap - once you’ve got the first stages of shit off you, you can come inside and use the bathroom shower to get to a more acceptable state! Until then you can’t pass ‘go’ or collect any sort of payment...”

There were no ‘ifs or buts’, and I certainly didn’t want to contaminate the inside of my almost-new Miata by driving home. Hey ho - the things we do for old friends and a love that goes back a lifetime.

In the gathering dusk of what promised to become a chilly evening, I walked across the barn, turned the light on again and found a rusty old showerhead in the corner. I turned it on, waited, and to my surprise, it did get less cold if not almost warm. I stripped off the jumpsuit and threw it on the pile that was going to be burnt in the morning.

The soap smelt of pine disinfectant, but at least it should kill any wildlife!

Five minutes later I felt a least a little cleaner and I turned the shower off, only to realise I hadn’t been entrusted with any towel to dry off with. Now shivering, I walked back to the house and a door that was opened as I got closer.

My friend giggled as she glanced at what was still visible down below.

The only comment was that there ought to be bumps on the back of my neck, my balls had climbed so far inside me...

I suspect I only mumbled a response as I was now more than a little cold. I was directed into the shower wet room where a slightly steamy atmosphere was rather more welcoming.

Bliss as I warmed up and used a decent shampoo and shower gel.