jj76: Blog

Just up to say that the next chapter about the kid with the pig sticker is submitted.

I wrote a very funny (to me) Halloween bit for a blog post last week but its crude and sexist, and probably offensive to most people, so I let it sit to take another look at it. I'm not in the mood for that sort of humor now because I've been working on my other Viking story, the one I like a lot, except that it sucks and needs a lot of work. It's a feel good love story that makes me weepy every time I read it. I might beef up the graphic cannibalism and infant sacrifice though. No, the babies don't get eaten. That would be sick!


Let me know if you want me to post a probably offensive blog bit telling about women who did or didn't do perverted things to me on Halloween way back in my college days.

Dude! If you're going to give me a shitty TPA score at least email and me and tell me what the problems are in great detail so that I will never ever make those mistakes again. Otherwise I'm just going to keep writing the same crap and assume that you came home and read my story after finding your shrew wife in bed with a guy not of your skin color, a hunchback midget, and a three-legged miniature poodle, all of whom have larger love sticks than you. A technical score of 3 and an appeal score of 6 is unreadable, IMO. How did you get past the first three chapters? If you are a highschool English teacher you are a meany!

As soon as I stop crying in my frootloops I'm going to cut the pay of my volunteer proofreaders.

There is a good chance that one of my proofreaders gave me that score since I tend to only make the corrections I want and then I change a bunch of other stuff at the last minute. That would piss me off if I were a proofreader, but then again I'm the petty vindictive sort who came home last night to find my girfriend sucking off a tranny whore named Folana Depeche. I wrote a story about it called "She Paid for the Poodle but made Me Watch." It's all in subtitles under the YouTube video that I posted to get attention.


To all of my faithful readers who gave me scores that I like. Thanks, and sorry for the typos. I forgot what day it was and didn't get a chance to do a last read through after making substantial changes earlier this week. Most were to the fight scene. BTW if you want to watch the fight rent The Thirteenth Warrior and ignor Banderas acting like a stupid whiney pussy in that scene.

I estimate that I have about 2500 people reading Wilhan and about ten percent of you are premature ejaculators (in the literary sense) and have to vote on the story before it is half way through for some reason. That seems like a lot of people who want to vote, and it worries me because I don't expect to get swamped with votes when the story is done because not that many people are voters. Sure, I could turn voting off until the end to make you vote when you are supposed to, but the word count on Chapter Two put me over the top to get my free premeir membership, and I need voting on for that. Now my SOL window has twice as many dots and boxes on it that I don't use, and that makes me feel important.


Next week Wilhan gets laid, I have some comments on Halloween stories, and I'll tell you more about small dogs and my sex life.

Chapter three of Wilhan should be up tonight. Thank you all who have emailed about it.

I've been working on the prequel to flesh out some skinny chapters I didn't like, and that is coming along nicely.

I'm still getting email from people who like Rolly. One of the perks for writing a DiD story I guess. I have outlined a sequel, something new for me to do since I usually just start vomiting words out onto the page and see where my ideas take me. I want to put some work into this one and I have a bunch of long vomit stories to post so don't hold your breath. Posting involves long, long hours of proof reading, editing, and rewriting for me. It might be a year or two before you read about Rolly again.

That brings me to things that have been bothring me lately. I can't seem to be original. I came up with an idea for the new Rolly story, then I took the name of a city -- from one of the people who emailed me -- to use as the setting, looked it up and found out that there is a female County Attorny General there just like in my story idea. Can I use that now? Can I have a coincidentally real person have nasty lesbian sex on another planet. Maybe if she wasn't a prosecutor I would try.

I watched a Nova special about Ulfberht swords last night and it parallels a story I wrote last spring. The part that is different is the part I actually pulled from history. It's the crap I made up that is the same as the history I didn't know about.

Same story different coincidence ... I more or less put my finger on a map and found an island to use as a geographical template (Isle of Mann) for an island in the story. Village goes here, harbor goes there, that sort of thing makes writing easier for me so that I don't have a horse gallop a five hundred miles without stopping. Last week while doing a search for the Wilhan story I find out that there is a real Viking burial on the same site where I buried my viking family. I didn't even know Vikings had been to the Isle of Mann when I wrote the story.

I had another original idea that I was proud of, and then I read an older SOL story a few days ago with almost the exact same scene.

I suppose that there are only so many ways to do things and we have been inundated with probably tens of thousands of storylines watching TV and movies our whole lives. A lot of Rolly was written that way. I pulled from Deadwood-HBO, Fist Full of Dollars, Lonesome Dove, The Cowboys, and who knows what else. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm a robot full of programmed memories and ideas, and it bothers me a little. I should never have stopped wearing my aluminum-foil lined hats.


A final note, not only for myself but for other authors as well. We make mistakes. Half the words I type are mispelled because I'm a crappy typist even when I'm not writing half asleep or half loaded, so when you see me or any other author put down 'than' instead of 'then', or 'two' instead of 'too' once or twice out of a hundred times the words are used in a story correctly, we really don't need a lecture on what the words mean and the difference between them. Just say in the email, "You fucked up on page two, paragaph three, sentence six, than should be then." Or just cut and paste the sentence into the email.


Here is the prefered way to email me:

Love the story, you are better than Hemmingway, here are your fuck ups.

ch 6. Johnny sit a brick = shit
ch 7. Suzy has to tits = two
ch 8. Than we found out that Denver is higher then Seatle = then,than

BTW I would love to send you money and nekid pictures of my smokin hot girlfriend. Would that be OK?


For those of you who are minimalists, this will do:

:)
FUs
ch 6. Johnny sit a brick = shit
ch 7. Suzy has to tits = two
ch 8. Than we found out that Denver is higher then Seatle = then,than
$$$ (o)(o) ?

Wilhan chapter two is up now.

To see the inspirations for the sword google 'beowulf ring sword,' and 'Migration period sword'

I saw that ring and knew that it had to be magic. And why have just one?

The Vendel Chieftain's sword shows the silver and gold fittings, and the Vendel sword from Valsgarde is of the same type but with no ring.

The Hurstwick website shows nice herringbone viking sword hilt inlay made with twisted copper and silver wire.

The sword in the story is a little more ergonomic than those squared off things, but you get the idea. It's not a bit Braveheart claymore.

Wilhan Dragonslayer will be up before tomorrow morning if the computer gods smile upon me.

It is the straight forward story about the life of a viking-type warrior who is led to greatness by circumstances both good and bad. Those guys didn't have magic swords even though they all thought that they did, so I gave this one a real magic sword.

The only thing that doesn't have a basis in history is the magic of the sword, even the structure of the sword (a ring-hilt spatha) is real. The "Dragon" is based on a giant pangolin.


This story is influenced by protogermanic, germanic (Roman Era,) and viking era culture and customs. I didn't try to sugar coat anything, so our hero is a man of his time and place. I took some of the weird sex ideas (belief in semen power) from New Guinea homosexual ritual beliefs and switched it so that its good clean hetero-lesbian fun.


If you liked the sex from Rolly, it's more of the same. The violence is of the same type too. There are some conflicts and power struggles in addition to men and armies hacking away at each other. But there is no character development for those of you who are hoping that great literature is going to come out of me.

If you are a fan of the Casca Eternal Mercenary series by Barry Sadler, this is in the same style.